Another crappy sports day

Both the Steelers and my fantasy team lost today, making this a horrible sports day. I'm becoming more accustomed to fantasy losses, I always play the guy with the breakout player of the week, but Pittsburgh's loss is hard to take. Adam informed me that they played like girls, but I don't see how he concluded that. I mean, four quarters of slobber-knocking football against the defending NFL champions and the Steelers are winning until an injury to the long snapper gives the Giants a fluke safety and all the momentum.

Don't get me wrong, it could have been much better. The Pittsburgh O-line has some serious pass blocking issues and even when they do block Big Ben holds the ball too long. Ohh and stupid penalties crushed my soul again and again.

Hell even after watching football my shitty sports day continued when I couldn't even beat Trip in NHL 09. I got nothing!

Anyway I watched the new Indiana Jones movie. These movies never thrilled me like some of my cohorts. The early ones were good, but not life altering. The new one is a bit of an abortion. Interdimensional aliens? Really? Shia Lebouef? Really? Just let it go.

I also watched the Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake and it was ok. I love R. Lee Ermey, especially when he's yelling at people. But yeah, it's fairly creepy in a dirty, sweaty kinda way, but just not as terror inducing as the original. They so seldom are.

All that needs to be said

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

Two in one

So it's my second post in the same night. Yes I'm still very drunk and I've spent the evening listening to fan-fucking-tastic music that I know noone else I know will enjoy. It kinda sucks. I want to share my joy, but my musical tastes just don't jibe with most people. Hell, most of the things about me don't jibe with most people.

Anyway, just because you people don't care, doesn't mean I'm not gonna write about it. I listened to this INCREDIBLE band the Fuck Buttons! They do this electronic noise that people have described as sounding like the end of the world. It's amazing. I love it. It's dense and makes me want to do music of my own. I probably need to drink more to actually get that done.

I also watched footage of The Thermals performing in NYC. Jill loaned me a disc of theirs and it was good, so I looked for more. I also watched some Health, who will be opening for Nine Inch Nails when I see them on Nov. 3 in Greensboro. Looking forward to that.

I'm also still debating going to see A Place to Bury Strangers tomorrow in Chapel Hill. I love their stuff, but I'm not sure I'm up for driving down alone. Especially since I'll be hung over. We'll see.

Anyway I suggest you go to Pitchfork.tv to check some of this shit out. There is a multitude of interesting stuff on there so give it a shot. Who knows, maybe I'm not the only person I know with good taste?

Not just incoherent, drunk also

I just finished a very long week of work and decided to blow off some steam by finishing a half-pint of scotch and several High Lifes. It's not a bad feeling getting drunk really fast and having an evening to kill. If only I didn't have to do it alone. But really, not a lot of drinking buddies present themselves at 1a.m. on a Monday morning.

At least drunk my shoulder doesn't bother me. I managed to injure myself, not doing some rigorous exertion or even an accidental fall, but by sleeping. That's right, even sleep is too vigorous for someone like me. So now I'm not just stinking drunk, I also stink of Walmart brand Aspercreme knockoff. Poor frugal, but sore me.

I'm watching the first season of Californication, which is wonderful so far. I really love David Duchovny's character. He's a lot like me, he hates his life. Of course, his life is better than mine in every possible way. Makes me wonder if it's just that everyone of a certain intelligence hates their life and it's all just ultimately empty or if I should just really, really fucking loathe my life. I mean, if his life sucks mine is unliveable by comparison. Which is really sad when I think of some poor guy living in Darfur. That's me, always thinking of the big picture.

Anyway, I think I'm about done typing for the moment. Well, I may try to keep typing but I need to find a different venue. Of course, I think I'm going to make a very big effort to not drunk email anyone. That can get ugly.

Spread the wealth around

It's been a shitty day and, so far, a shitty week. I went to sleep last night with an ill stomach, woke up with a headache and nothing has went my way. I watched the Penguins get up to a 3-0 lead and then roll over in the third period to lose 4-5 to the fucking Capitals. One of my co-workers is on vacation, so we were shorthanded, which means I got to do a lot more work today and that sucked too. Ohh and this week I get to work on Sunday also to extend the suck. Fucking brutal.

In non-bitching news, I watched Leatherheads last night. It was fairly bland and I can't really recommend it. (shaq-fu) I watched Behind the Mask the other day and that was pretty good. It's about these documentarians following around a killer along the lines of Jason or Michael Myers and getting the behind the scenes look. Nice humor, with some decent horror moments. (+1 chainmail)

Also watched most of the (thankfully) last debate last night. Christ I'll be glad when this election is over. Obama seems to be running away with it, which is nice. Also when did Virginia become a battleground state? My vote may actually count this time around. How novel.

Also I'd like to talk about the term "class warfare." How come everytime someone mentions that maybe the rich could be a little less rich to make the poor a little less poor someone shouts "CLASS WARFARE" and the discussion ends? That's it, can't talk about that, it's class warfare. I think it all stems from this concept that poor people are lazy, which is total bullshit. I dunno, I'm not gonna rant anymore about it, but that shit is irritating.

Five by five

Love

• Autumn- I'm sure I say this every year, but I truly love seeing the leaves change. It's the most beautiful time of year. Also there is football, which makes everything better.
  
• The Wire, Season 5 - It's excellent. Maybe not my favorite, but I just love how they start at the street level and climb the ladder up society's ranks, indicting the social structure at every level.
• Pushing Daisies - Loving the second season. It fills me with this odd sense of being welcome. It's like an old t-shirt or sweatshirt that you've had for years and it just feels right.
• That I saw a two at the beginning of a gas price on my way home from work today. That's right it's at 2.99 a gallon in Bassett Forks. Here's hoping that it continues to drop.
  
• The myriad of excellent stuff that gets released in the fall and winter months. Some awesome DVDs, games, books and music coming out now.
  

Hate

• Trying to find a way to fit all those DVDs, games, books and movies into my budget.
  
• All this election crap. I'm sick of debates, polls, negative ads, endorsements and political stats. Can't we just vote today and let Obama win and move on. Maybe then the Dow will stop dropping every day... although that's probably a pipe dream. It's probably going to get a lot worse before it gets better.
• That I have to actually pay attention to how my eyebrows look. Never used to be a problem, now I let it go a month and I start to look like a super villain. While I do rock the goatee to indicate that I am the evil twin, I don't relish the super villain look.
  
• Fundamentalists. Any religion will do.
• Not having enough time to read all the books I want to have read. I keep finding things I should have read and just can't cram it all in.
  

Game over man, game fucking over

Another abyssmal weekend saved by the Steelers. Other than them winning, every other thing seems to go wrong for me of late. I can't seem to make the right choices, everything is underwhelming and I'm just confronted by this malaise that makes it hard to get out of bed in the afternoon. Bah.

So, once again, I will tell you of all my methods of escapism and review them. Watched Heroes tonight and that remains excellent. My only problem is that I have a hard time remembering what has happened in the past of the series and get lost. Also I really wish I could just watch it on DVD all at once instead of week to week. It sticks better that way and I'm not forced into not knowing stuff with cliffhangers.

I finally finished re-watching season 3 of Deadwood and it makes me sad. There are so many questions that remain and they will never be answered. If only HBO weren't such horrible cocksuckers and had let that show end properly.

I also finished watching season 3 of Weeds and I don't think I'm gonna watch any more. The more I watch it, the less I like the main character. She just bumbles through and sleeps with everyone and deals drugs. Also she's a horrible mother. My patience is at an end with this nonsense.

Borrowed the Aliens Quadrilogy from Trip and watched Aliens tonight. Yes, I started with the second one. I've seen the first plenty and want to watch the last three. I've never even seen the fourth one. I've heard mixed reviews. Anyway tomorrow I will probably try to get through the third.

Currently I'm reading Mike Mignola's (of Hellboy fame) Baltimore. It's about vampires and World War I, a collection of zombie stories and a comic called Pooch Cafe. There are actually a couple of other books I'm in the middle of at the moment, but I'm not seriously picking them up for a while because they don't fit my mood. I'm in a very Halloween, October horror place lately.

The Piemaker

I'm absolutely sure I mentioned my fondness for the show Pushing Daisies last season. I like it so much that I bought the DVDs tonight. It just has this charm that I love. Great colors, a nigh-childlike nostalgia for odd little things (windmills, beekeeping, carrier pigeons, etc.) and a narrator with a penchant for poetical statements.

I also love that it's quirky and odd. (I suppose I can relate to quirky and odd for some reason.) It has this wonderful melodramatic 50s background music that when combined with some of the seemingly 50s fashion and cars adds a classic appeal. It also doesn't hurt that the women on the show are gorgeous. Never a bad thing. The new season starts tomorrow night and I'm looking forward to it.

The new Iron Man DVD also proved to be irresistible. It's in an Iron Man head case! My nerd organ was inflamed and could only be satisfied with the purchase.

Oh and Trip and I watched Heroes tonight. It's so good. I'm continually impressed with how they work in little nods to comics, both in art used on the show and the references characters make.

Not a total loss, but close

Well at least the Steelers managed to pull out an OT win to keep this weekend from being a complete sports washout. The Mets completed their collapse managing to not make the playoffs and the Evil Penguin was thwarted by S. Jax's resurgence and an insane day for The Danglers' kicker making this an unhappy weekend for me. But Pittsburgh overcame a horrible first half and pulled out an ugly win to bring me a little joy. The problem is that Pittsburgh is down to one running back and lost another O-lineman for the season. This schedule is bringing the hurt.

In other news, I've been watching the third season of Deadwood and it depresses me. Not because it's bad, hell no, because I know it's not going to end. There should be at least another season of Deadwood, but it's not to be. HBO halted it too soon and the story is left hanging. Suckjob.

I also watched the second season of Weeds, which has really picked things up and become more interesting. I won't say its a great show, but definitely worth watching.

I've been listening to the new Boris album and there is this track, Next Saturn. It's incredible, but I know that noone I play it for is gonna get it. It has a heavy noise portion to the song and it's difficult. You got to want it and most don't. It's annoying not being able to share this music I love because noone else I know likes this sort of thing.

All bets are off after 2004

Here's a little picture I found at dieselsweeties.com. You can order a t-shirt with this on it if you want. It's something I figure my brother will appreciate with his insane right-wing ideas... hehe.

Sleep? It's overrated

A fairly eventful weekend so far. I pulled another all-dayer (that's an all-nighter to all you day dwellers, just with the times switched) and went to see my bro and his fam before they move to Mississippi. Had a good time. My lone complaint was when my nephew Cameron decided that Gabe and I weren't allowed to watch anymore of the Steelers-Eagles game and turned off the tv then absconded with the remote. It was kinda funny, but coming between me and the Steelers is a death warrant. It's a testament to my love of the little guy that he retained all his limbs. All said, a good time was had by all and I was happy to see them all. Gonna suck when they are out of reasonable driving distance.

The Steelers lost that game and I blame it all on my inability to watch and support the team. I'm an integral part of the winning process. One the upside, The Evil Penguin did manage to lock in a win over the struggling Fish Eyes this week despite some lackluster showings from my wideouts. I am now 2-1 and definitely in the hunt. Lots of drama in the Techmo Lucky Breaks league so far this season. Hopefully this sort of thing won't go on all season, it may be more than I can take.

In other sports news, Trip and I were playing the NHL 09 demo the other day and I happened to notice that I was passing the puck to Satan. That's right, in the offseason the Pittsburgh Penguins picked up right winger Miroslav Satan. So now Satan is now in Pittsburgh, which means evil is at home there... making them Evil Penguins! I really don't see any way they can be denied and the Stanley Cup is a lock. I may try to procure a Satan jersey at some point, if I can squeeze my fat ass into one.

I picked up the new TV on the Radio album, Dear Science. I haven't really had a change to absorb it so far, but what I've heard is good. Gonna take some more listening. I'll be amazed if it's as good as their last album Return to Cookie Mountain, not because it's bad, just because that thing was so amazing.

Rubber dicks slathered to the hilt in peanut butter?

Let me explain the title of this post before it gets out of hand. It's a direct quote from a movie I watched tonight entitled "Die You Zombie Bastards!" I'll start by saying this is a bad movie, but it's aware of how bad it is and just tries to have fun with it. Which, somehow, makes it ok. It's got the production values of a Gwar concert, horrendous acting, silly special effects, innumerable dick jokes, gratuitous nudity and a wholly silly plot line.

It's wonderful. I couldn't stop laughing at it's complete lack of shame. I mean, it has "Rubber dicks slathered to the hilt in peanut butter?" in the script somewhere, how can you not laugh at the absurdity of that. You aren't capable of laughter if that random line doesn't make you laugh. I'm saying it's filet mignon at the least, but I suppose how other people could see it as straight torn colon. It really depends on your tolerance of silly horror concepts and your sense of humor.

I also watched Doomsday tonight, which I can't really recommend. It sent mixed messages. It kinda wanted to be a political statement film, but it also wanted you to leave your brain at the door. It's not horrible, but the reality it's set in is just silly. Overall the best part of the film would have to be the ass of the heroine. It's shaq-fu at best.

While I'm typing this I'm listening to The Fantomas Melvins Big Band show on pitchfork.tv. I'm not really big on the Fantomas really, but I love the Melvins more and more. The show is pretty good if you're into thunderous guitars and noise. I find myself rarely in the mood for this type of thing, but when I am nothing else will do.

FedEx Field and sleep deprivation

I had a long day Saturday. So long, in fact, that it spilled over the entirety of Sunday as well. What I did was work all day Saturday and then ride with Kevin to D.C. for the Redskins game. Great game. We had nice seats and the free buffet. It was glorious. The game was excellent. Felt a little bad for Kevin that the Saints lost, but the second half was so good that it was hard to be too upset about it.

After that we drove home and my lack of sleep pushed me into whole new realms of silliness. Not sure how Kevin endured my rambling. Got back to Roanoke around 10 p.m. and I caught like a fourth or fifth wind. I wasn't tired at all. What I was was crazy. I was hyper, silly and loud. Good thing I was alone in my car. Bad thing I had a cell phone.

Still, it was a great trip and I have to thank Kevin again for hooking me up with the ticket. I've recently decided I need to spend more of my time doing something that's not in front of a tv or computer screen and this was perfect.

In fantasy news, Kevin and I are tied heading into the Monday night game. I got two players left to go and he has none, so things look pretty favorable. On the down side, we are having some serious drama with a scoring gaff causes by the EA website. It's always something with EA and we really need to consider finding a new home for the Techmo Lucky Breaks league next season. That said, I'm not certain where that new home would be. Need to do some research on other options.

The sutures and bruises are none of my business

So I gotta tell you, I looooooove being ass-raped by oil companies. I drive home Friday morning, passing the gas stations as normal. Note the prices, go home, sleep and drive past them not 10 hours later and the prices are 75 cent more per gallon. Love it. Love the hurricane shit, love the insane profits of oil companies, love my two hours of commuting a day and most of all love that the end isn't in sight.

I was reflecting and it occurred to me that no right-wing conservative Christian asshole preacher has said why God has decided to strike down Texas. I mean, New Orleans, sure. It's a den of inequity with sex, drugs and black people... the horror. But Texas is a fine Republican leaning bastion of proper white values. I mean they hate the ACLU there, they elected George W. Bush governor and the Dallas Cowboys play there, surely they are beloved by Jesus.

But no, he is wroth and has sent a mighty hurricane to decimate them and their unholy ways. You never know who Hurricane Jesus is gonna smite next...

Ok, ok I'll back off all the Christian bashing for a minute. I can't help it, all that hypocritical nonsense makes me angry. Add that anger to the gas prices anger, work stress and general rage and it has to come out. It was this blog or a gun-wielding rampage. I debated it for a while and decided I didn't want to be on tv.

The end of the world as we know it and I feel fine

Today could honestly be the end of the world. No really. I'm not kidding. The reason behind this potential armageddon is the Large Hadron Collider located under the Alps goes into use today. Some posit that this atom smasher could hurl matter around a 17-mile circumference so fast that it could possibly create a black hole, destroying the entire Earth.

Another (remote) possiblity is that it could recreate the "Big Bang." This would set the creation of a whole new universe into motion, ending ours. My big question is would a French or Swiss physicist then become the god of the new universe? I mean not in the all powerful buddy in the sky watching out for all the little children, but in just the creation sense.

So enjoy your Wednesday. It could be your last.

Grumpy motherfucker

So apparently I'm a grumpy fuck. At least according to Adam... ok probably according to a lot of people, but Adam put it forth most recently. What prompted this was the fact that I don't think Tom Brady being injured is the end of the world. Yes, he's a great player. Yes, he's gonna be in the Hall of Fame someday. That doesn't mean we have to ignore everyone else in the league just because he goes out for the season.

Why is this a surprise? Football players get hurt, especially quarterbacks. Brady had been lucky up til this point and now it finally happened. How did Brady get his job? Oh right, it was when Drew Bledsoe got hurt and Brady stepped in to fill the roll. It's the circle of life. Not the end of the world.

Anyway, I lost my opening matchup. I would have tied if I had of started Hasselbeck instead of O'Sullivan. Ahh well, what can you do? I'm still feeling like I'm going to have a good season.

Ohh and let's send a shout out to Adam who injured his shoulder patting himself on the back for having a good opening week.

Going deep

So the first Sunday of NFL football is in the books. I spent the whole day watching football and feeling like crap because of my allergies. Woohoo. On the up side, the mighty Steelers dominated the Texans. Ahh, such joy. I really can't put into words how wonderful it is to watch Pittsburgh pummel opposing players.

The Evil Penguin is still fighting and has a chance to win if I can get some love in tonight's games. It's gonna be a fight, but it's possible.

In non-football related topics, I hate my allergies. I went to bed at 10pm last night because I just felt like shit. I woke up at 7:30am. Illness has turned me into a damned DAY DWELLER! The horror.

I did watch about half the first season of Weeds, which I can't decide if I like or not. I like Mary Louise Parker, she's smoking hot. And some of the other characters are amusing, but the gestalt may not be enough to draw me in completely. I dunno, I'll watch the rest of the first season and see what happens.

I also watched Eagle vs. Shark, which is kind of a New Zealand version of Napoleon Dynamite. The main problem is that the characters are supposed to be out of school and, hence, should be a little less clueless. Or course, that's the joke so it has to be in there. Felt a little forced at times and definitely derivative, but had a couple of nice laughs. Meh. overall.

Where did the cash go?

Had a good day shopping with Trip and I managed to refrain from buying an LCD television once again. I still spent way too much money, but shorts were on sale, so was Deadwood Season 3 and I needed new socks and underwear. Cest la vie, I suppose.

I am beat tho. I've gotten a mere 4 hours of sleep and am feeling the effects. I'm debating a nap, but that never works out to my advantage. So I may just have to be fuckin tired for a while. What else is new.

Ohh and for those of you interested in how mature my friends and I are about fantasy football, click here to see it demonstrated. This link is completely not safe for work, quite juvenile and completely hilarious. This is what happens when Mike has too much free time.

Highly erroneous ratings

So today was the Techmo Lucky Breaks Fantasy Football League draft and The Evil Penguin emerged from nefarious antarctic depths to take part. As such, I now offer my opinion on who navigated the treacherous waters of the TLB draft onto eternal glory and who was pulled down to the murky depths of fantasy ignominy.

This is completely based on my opinion and in no way intended to offend anyone. There is a lot of parity in this league, top to bottom so I'm going purely on which team seems most complete and has players I believe in more than others. Things can change fast in the NFL with an injury here or there and clearly my fallibility is undeniable after my lackluster showing last season. So a grain of salt is called for in this situation. Anyway, on to the rankings.

1. Dallas Danglers - You have no idea how much it pains me to rate the dreaded Danglers first. I really don't want to do it, but in the interest of honesty I must. On paper his team is complete. His big concern would have to be what happens if SJax, Torry Holt and St. Louis in general can't bounce back from so many injuries last season. Also, will Frank Gore shit the bed in Mike Martz's new offense? If those two don't produce do the Danglers will be flaccid at best. Still, a bevy of talent at WR could be enough to penetrate into playoffs.
   
2. The Zors - Another team without any major weaknesses coming out of the draft. Solid RB starters, including one LaDainian Tomlinson and backups with lots of upside. His WR depth could be an issue, but he could make it work with only two and his stable of RBs. Also, I'm not really sold on the Colts's undersized defense staying healthy all season long, but that's nitpicking.
   
3. The Evil Penguin - I debated rating myself first because I do like my draft. The first three rounds went exactly as I hoped, aside from Drew Brees not falling to me. I feel like I did a solid job despite picking 10th overall and came up with a nice mix of dependability and potential. I'm worried that I reached for the Jacksonville D when I should have went with someone else. Also I may regret Larry Johnson, but the value was too good to pass up when I got him. If one of my sleepers wakes up The Evil Penguin may reign in unholy glory.
   
4. Team Vipperman - Nick never has a bad draft and I honestly could have given him the top spot. I debated it, as a matter of fact, but some questions came to mind. Like the durability of Brian Westbrook and Andre Johnson. Also the fact that Laurence Maroney and MJD will have to deal with sharing the ball. Having lived throughthat very thing last season with MJD, watching as Fred Taylor stole the spotlight, I have concerns. That said, who can doubt our inaugural champion will find a way to stay competitive. The Lucky Breaks never seem to fail him.
   
5. St. Nick Kringles - The Kringles draft scares me. That Brady to Welker thing could be huge. Add to it a solid group of proven WRs and Christmas may come early. (Yes I'm aware of how horrible that word play is.) The only coal in the Kringles' stocking is questions about how his RBs will play. Reggie Bush has yet to really break out and while he got real value on Julius Jones, who knows how he'll play in Seattle.
   
6. Leesburg Leghounds - The more I look at the Leghounds' draft, the more I like it. It's an interesting strategy, going for top flight WRs and a stellar QB and then picking up lots of mid-to-lower tier RBs. If those RBs can bring in decent scores each week the Leghounds could be in the hunt once again. That said, there is a lot of risk here and that's why Adam is lodged in the lower half of this ranking.
   
7. Heaven's Own - Had a hard time rating Heaven's Own. He has some players I made a point to avoid, but those guys could pay off. For example, Brandon Jacobs scares me with Ahmad Bradshaw and Derrick Ward both waiting in the wings. I also hate Willis McGahee But that may have as much to do with him being a Raven as anything else. Still, I think Kevin did find some very solid value in those later rounds of the draft, picking up David Garrad, who I think could be a sleeper, and Ricky Williams.
   
8. Who is that guy? - The rookie comes in swinging and leaves with a decent team. Hard to find a lot of fault with his draft. May have reached out for an injured Antonio Gates a little early, but who knows. Gates gets healthy and he looks like a genius. Also having Heath Miller on the bench makes it easier to swallow. His WRs are the main cause for concern. Ocho Cinco is an unknown property this season and how many balls will Patrick Crayton be taking? Couple that with a bunch of meh backups and problems may arise.
   
9. Innsmouth Fish Eyes - The Fish Eyes did a decent job early on, despite reaching for a few players. Then in the later rounds even Greg admitted to wishing he had done a little more research. His final roster didn't turn out too bad, but the presence of Muhsin Muhammad does not assuage my fears any. Still, don't sleep on the Fish Eyes, they have a solid core, with a few potential surprises.
   
10. Hudson Street Hellraisers - Apparently there were some IT difficulties for the defending champs and his draft did not go exactly the way he planned. That said, his running backs don't inspire me much. He liked Adrian Peterson so much he actually drafted him twice! Not much else I can say, hard to rip someone for computer trouble during the draft.

So there it is, my in depth analysis. Hopefully not too controversial. Nobody likes being picked last, I know, but someone has to. I can avoid it by doing the picking, so it works out for me. Of course, there is solace in knowing that this rankings mean absolutely nothing in the end. The only thing that matters is who holds the dreadfully named Lamar Hunt trophy at the end of the season. Good luck to all.

I'm not a monster, I'm just ahead of the curve

Here's the moment you've all been waiting for, the unveiling of the new 2008 version of the mighty evilpenguin9000 logo. Copyright infringers will have a pencil jammed into their eye.