Stella Marie, you're my star

Now listening to: P.J. Harvey (Dry)
Watched earlier: Whale rider

I've been very emotional lately. Not so anyone would notice it really, I'm pretty good at putting those thoughts away in public most of the time, but the holidays alway do this to me. When I'm having a shitty time, I'm thinking about how it's the holidays and you're supposed to be happy and my life isn't meeting those expectations. So I get even more depressed and it's a downward spiral. When I'm having a good time, it seems really good because those expectations are being met and for once I am fulfilled.

But I've also been thinking a lot about how I feel about things in my life for some reason. Usually I just chug along and only later realize my real motivations behind things, but lately I've been pretty cognizant of what I'm doing on an emotional level or, more importantly, what I'm not doing. That sounds weird to say, I know, as a lot of people are ruled by their emotions. I tend not to pay attention to them at all. Never really felt that they mattered, especially not to anyone else, so why bring them up? Anyway I'm hoping that this indicates some new awakening, where I can move on with my life and change this status quo I'm stuck in. As I've said, I'm ready to be an adult now, or at least closer to one than I've ever been before.

Completely changing gears away from my new age-y chatter, I've noticed that I have a ton of reading material lately, that is exceptional. Now I can always find stuff to read, I'm just good at finding it and even if I don't find something new, I'll re-read something good that merits more attention. (I've been meaning to re-read Catch-22 for a while but haven't found the time.) But today I got a couple of books from Vishalini, my beautiful friend currently residing in Jakarta. That's a couple more books I know are good stacked on top of my ever growing pile.

I'll never understand people who don't read, I find it hard to relate to them. I don't expect everyone to read as much as I do (I know some people have lives), but to not read at all boggles my mind. it gives a doorway into other peoples lives, a way to learn about things you'll never have any way to experience. The only people I can forgive for not reading are the ones who are too busy actually doing things and living life to read about it. My friend Dana is the only person I know who really fits this bill. So to all you illiterate fucks out there: CRACK A BOOK!