Alone in a crowded bar

Now listening to: Portishead

So I went out to Greensboro tonight and hung out with Adam, Mike, Greg, Nick and his wife, Abby. I had a pretty decent time, got a little buzzed and just hung out. Bars always make me feel like I'm excluded from everyone else, even when I'm with a decent sized group (like tonight) I just get the feeling that I have no chance of interesting any woman in a club anywhere. I couldn't possibly woo her with intellectual conversation since it's so loud there that you have to shout to order a beer and be understood. (Newcastle...what?....NEWCASTLE!!!) Plus being of above average girth (aka I'm fat) I'm never going to be the guy in the bar that some chick just fixates on and wants to hook up with, so I always feel inadequate. All this just punctuates my singleness.

But I did enjoy hanging out with the old crew. I miss seeing those guys on the regular. Admittedly when I saw them all the time, there were times I could barely stand it, but I think I'm like that with almost anyone. Mike still wants me to move to New York next fall and I can't say I'm not intrigued. His arguement is "What do you have to lose?" I have no real response to that. My life is simply adequate, nothing more. Not exceptional...just ok. Do I want more than that? Wel, yes. But it's a big move...and I suck at money and the saving of it. I don't know.

Yesterday I didn't blog because everything sucked and I didn't want to get into it. Thanksgiving just blew. Work was incredibly bad. Long and just bad. Couldn't handle it. I did play quite a bit of Gladius before I had to return it to Blockbuster. It was good, but I got the sense that there was going to be a point where it just got frustratingly difficult. I could be wrong about that, but it was the impression I got. I may look for it used or something, but there is really no pressure to find it.