On the down side

Now listening to: Radiohead (Kid A)

Well it is officially Nov. 6, my birthday. I am 29-years-old and feel a deep depression coming on. I am another year older and nothing has changed. I'm still single, stuck in Martinsville in a job that pays terribly. I still live with my parents (which is becoming more depressing by the minute) and I still have no idea of how to change these things.

My life is certainly nothing like I pictured it when I was a kid. I figured by this point I would have a decent job where I could live comfortably and never be overly concerned about money. I'd be married to the perfect woman and just basking in life's wonder. Instead I'm awash in waves of inadequacy and economic distress. I haven't been on a real date in so long I'm considering giving up the idea and accepting the idea of just being alone for the rest of my life. I'm pretty good at filling the time in with mindless entertainment.

Last year, I made an attempt to break with my status quo and move to NYC. None of that went off well and I ended up back in the same old, same old. Now I have even less belief that I can get out of this rut.

I will be working on my birthday and have made attempts to be working on all the winter holidays. I specifically chose this because when I am off and have to fill those holidays with activities I am always disappointed. Whatever I do seems pedestrian and mundane. At least when I'm working I have an excuse for my lameness.

Anyway, now that I have revelled in my pathetic nature I am going.